Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
