I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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