Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
