yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
