you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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