it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
