She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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