I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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