We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
