I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
