Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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