I'm going to jail i love you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
