32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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