I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didn't notice because vodka
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
