once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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