If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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