woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
