I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
