Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
