as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
