i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
