After last night, I could never be a politician.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
