wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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