every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
