is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
