I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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