Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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