It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
