In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
