Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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