Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
