a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In America we eat man semen.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
