everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
