You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
