Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and she was petting her beer can
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
