If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
