She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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