hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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