I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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