I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
