So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
