well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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