No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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