I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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