Will you blow on my dice?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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