There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
