i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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