just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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