She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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