Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
