her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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