I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
