he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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