Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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