Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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