I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
