So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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