my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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