My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize