I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
