Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
