so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
